I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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