90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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