hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I want to make a zoo with you.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
