It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
