Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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