i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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