omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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