Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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