He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
