This dress was meant to end up on your floor
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
