is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
