6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
