no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
