He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
