I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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