We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
