the condom got lost in my hair
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She bit a glass in half.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Randomize
