i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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