Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
