Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
