I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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