saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
