i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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