You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
