a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
