my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
