i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
