She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
