Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
