That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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