If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
