So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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