Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
