He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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