oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
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