Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
