I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
