She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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