What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
