party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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