you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
