Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
