I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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