I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
