I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
