She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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