Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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