I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
