Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
