I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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