we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
